May the 4th Mantra – “Fuck it, just run.”
A bit over 63 minutes, that’s how long it took me to complete a 5K walk last evening. I had every intention to run it and started to vigorously train last fall when my sister signed us up for this event – my first, and her second. My energy in the latter part of December and all of January was directed to taking care of my Dad around the clock – an endeavour of love and grace to keep him comfortable and safe before he passed. My mission of love was then directed to my Mom in the cold, dreary and lonely months of February and March. During this time, I was tired, confused, and sad – and not really taking care of myself in the best way. I was moving forward at a snail’s pace, but moving forward, nonetheless. Watching nature regenerate with the first signs of spring, with my pussy willow bush starting to bloom, I was reminded that there is a time for everything, and with every spring, there is a rebirth. And I began training again in April – getting back up to being able to ‘jog’ 1.5K fairly comfortably, and was committed to complete the 5K, knowing that I’d walk this first one and it would become my baseline.
And I walked with a quiet intention, a steady pace and a calm mind – never stopping until I reached the finish line. Appreciating the generous cheers of the spectators along the route, the bells, the whistles, the motivational signs – a sea of gorgeous human beings supporting the journey of others to achieve a personal goal, to raise some money for charity, to honour a loved one who has passed or is fighting a good fight, to start a new way of being. The cool breeze, the solace of being by the water’s edge, the sounds of birds chirping, the buds on the trees, the bright colours of spring’s first flowers – laid out a regal, luxurious path before me as I plodded on, never feeling tired or confused or sad. Once I got to the 3k marker, I was feeling energized – at 4k I realized that I could have pushed myself harder, although decided to maintain my pace. The last time I walked such a long distance was this past August when I did a 7k leisure nature walk – what I didn’t mention in that Instagram post was the number of times I stopped to catch my breath 😊 This time, I motored on without one break – small win!
And this morning – my mind is calm and clear, my heart is full of such beautiful love, my body is invigorated (although I felt like I needed a wheel barrel to haul my ass from the finish line to the shuttle buses last night!), and the auroral light in my soul is simply aglow. Last night I dreamt about that time in grade 6 when I anchored the girls 4 x 100 relay at a regional track meet – I was the substitute on this team, never having tried out for it – I was the star shot putter for the school. I remembered getting freaked out that I would have to run it because the anchor was sick that day. I remember in that moment just saying in my head, “Fuck it, just run” and I helped the team get a 3rd place finish. O, how the universe works – gently reminding us of our greatness during the most challenging or difficult times in our lives. The times when we push ourselves, we move forward, we plough through obstacles, we take the plunge, we go for it, we release all fear and simply love ourselves, and we laugh in moments of weakness or difficulty. Moving forward, my new mantra is – “fuck it, just run”.